I didn’t quite steel myself when i made a similar request recently and soon enough, many props were pulled away, revealing so much remnant sinfulness that i cringe to think about it. Even though i was aware of the falsity of the props, i would stupidly have clung on to them, if not for divine intervention.

He who calls us is faithful. He will do it.

It’s good to know that I didn’t mess up too much. Still, not satisfied with what has been done. No omph factor, at least to me.

Came across this lovely photo on Lighted Pixels of an old couple praying together while their daughter was getting her make-up done.

I pray that if God gave me a spouse and children and these were about to get married, God alone would be first and foremost in our minds.

i don’t know why i tried to hide this fact from her. perhaps i was afraid of coming across too pious. perhaps it’s why i dislike praying in public – because my mind cannot yet get round to the idea that my relationship with God is not private but public. i find few people no human can understand how i think. how it is important to me that i am careful not do good works in public because i fear that it will compromise my motives for so acting.

anyway. sigh.

A wonderful Sunday spent at Trung Nguyen (in Singapore yay!) reading the entire book of Exodus. Erm, while listening to wuyuetian.

Still an amazingly captivating book after numerous re-reads. Heart almost burst with love for the great and mighty and yet patient God we have, who must have been (and must still be) sorely tried having to deal with a repeatedly and stupidly distrustful and disobedient people.
Can’t stop singing:
I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

Was planning on having a look at the Orchard Road sales and then taking the swave board for a waddle. Instead, a very good Sunday spent listening to Dick Lucas, Andy Gemmill on James and Mark O’Donaghue on Haggai as well.

Recent months have been tough. I wonder how much of it can legitimately be considered suffering in the biblical sense. I ask this so as to know how to deal with my situation, not to find some reason for self-pity. Other things to check on: whether there is any bitter envy or selfish ambition in the mix.

Am grateful for the mateship of the Three-Toed Sloth who has helped keep me on the straight and narrow and not let my speech sins run free.

Thank God for all of this and more.

was very happy for him when he met and married her.

i’d previously not understood why people would be angry with God in times to distress (eg Job). i’d thought, naively perhaps, that they’d be more than happy to turn to him for comfort.

now i understand.

this understanding comes with a greater grasp of his sovereignty. for if God was God and sovereign over all things and in complete control of everything, then why did he not let m & hy have more than a year together? it is painful to remember the way m had eyes only for hy when they were together, how they enjoyed good food, fine wine, holidays, shopping, concerts together…

this affair will (sneeringly) be used to great effect as an illustration in a sermon on the rich fool. my first instinct would be to punch the smirking speaker. it’s so easy to be pronounce judgement when one claims to love nothing and value nothing. yet, perhaps even arrogant speakers sometimes speak the truth.

there is a dress code for her funeral. it is “black glamour”.

There are emo kids lining the benches. They have laptops and PSPs and striped sweaters and an attitude.

Revising maths:

“Use the cosine rule lah you fucker.”

“Fuck you.”

“Suck my dick.”

It’s amazing how studious they are. I have never, in my extremely faulty memory, studied anything of my own accord more than a day before the exam.

“Eh 15 minutes more lah, then we go.”

“Fuck you, I haven’t finished my algebra lah.”

Ah, the unimaginatively trash-mouthed worker bees of tomorrow.

Options given are:

• green tea neopolitana (wazzat?)
• choco banana
• blackforest
• mango fresh cream
• baked cheese (like, cheesecake?)
• tiramisu

Still… am enjoying Tokyo. Not just the sights and sounds and average daily temperature of 9°C. The vast language barrier means that I have space to think and be alone.